Patience truly is a virtue; and a necessary one if you are trying to decrease your anxiety levels. Do you ever find yourself wishing for the days of old, where you walk in your front door and see your answering machine flashing a red 3 or 4? For those of you old enough to remember these flashing numbers, they represent the number of voicemail messages from friends and family on the good old answering machine. There was something nice about the anticipation of getting home to see who had called, not knowing what they would say. It was a controlled kind of communication. A little box with a flashing number was there holding a message(s) for when we were ready to listen. We had control and could choose when we hit play. More importantly we were only inundated with this temptation when we walked in the door. Now we are tempted all day long by pings, bells, & funny little tunes alerting us that someone has something to say. Gone are the days when we can wonder who might call us while we are away. Gone are the days in which we can wait for a reply. We have seemingly lost control which increases our anxiety levels.
Today, instead of VMs, our friends, family, and coworkers text us. It’s rare that we leave each other VMs, and if someone does have the patience to do so, the technology translates it into a text for faster and immediate absorption! Where did our patience go? Why has our patience been replaced with a need for instant gratification? If a friend doesn’t pick up, we hang-up and send a text. Our impatient self says “Suzie will get my message faster if I text. I can’t possibly leave a VM, she won’t get the message fast enough. And I need a response now.” My mom is one of the few people that leaves me a VM with her sweet voice “Megan this is your mother. Just calling to ask you a question. Call me when you can.” ‘Call me when you can?’ How kind of my mother to realize I might be in the middle of something, and that I can’t talk or respond at this very moment to her question. It scares me to think that this very kind, and polite approach will soon be lost with a generation that did not grow up with instant gratification; a generation that had to wait and therefore learned patience. Mom could have texted me “I need to know if you can have dinner next week?” But by habit, she left me a VM and patiently awaited my response.
The voicemail gives us space to respond. Space gives us room to breathe and consider. Breathing calms our nervous system1 and allows for us to be more present and in touch with our thoughts and feelings. Space is necessary before responding mindfully. And practicing mindfulness reduces anxiety.
It’s great to have the ability to be connected 24-7 but do we have to be? I doubt the inventors of the mobile phone were hoping to decrease the patience of the world population. However, it has contributed to a lack of patience and presence that this world so desperately needs. It’s almost impossible to not engage the second a text message pings on our phone. It’s right there with us. We go to sleep, exercise, drive, place our phones on restaurant tables, and even take them into the bathroom with us. The sheer fact that everyone knows our phones are quite literally attached to our hips 24-7, (yoga pants even have cell phone pockets now) has driven an expectation that responses should be made pronto – even during yoga?!*!
Is it any wonder that anxiety disorders are listed as the most common mental disorders in the U.S.?2
What can we do about this? How do we relearn patience, increase mindfulness, and work towards reducing our anxiety levels?
See our Practices section under Resources for the Takeback Phone Challenge.
1Bordoni, Purgol, Bizzarri, Modica, Morabito, “The Influence of Breathing on the Central Nervous System.” June 2018. The Influence of Breathing on the Central Nervous System - PMC (nih.gov)
2Anxiety & Depression Association of America. What Is Anxiety (adaa.org)
